We suck at spotting liars, me included. However, I've learned a couple important ways we can protect ourselves from being deceived by fake friends and fake leaders. Hope this helps!
we have this perception of the world around us
and so much of it is just wrong
it's just a lie and there are lies we tell ourselves
and lies other people tell us
and I I'd like to explore those things
because I think for us to live our best lives
we really need to understand
what are all those ways that we undermine ourselves
and others undermine us and so today
I wanna talk about some interactions
I've had with someone over the years
it took me a long time to realize what happened
what was going on because this person
people love people love this person
all types of people
I've seen racists and Muslim fundamentalists alike
just love this person
and compliment them and praise them
and just enjoy being around that person
and then behind their back
that that person would share with me
how they had no respect for those people
and it it fascinated me because even for me
I assumed the best in this person and that okay
this is a little quirk and
you know there's something about those people
that rubbed him the wrong way
but over time I realized that no
that's how he sees everyone
including me
I am just a tool I'm just there to serve his needs
what he wants and he will treat me and anyone else nice
and make us feel like we're his best friend
in order to get what he wants
and you know as opposed to me hahaha
who I'm always honest
I always really care about everybody
and I want the best for everyone
but I come across very harsh and rough at times
because for me after
you know having experiences with people like this
I value truth I value honesty
I value integrity I value authenticity
and you know
for me that is far more important
and I'll ask questions that challenge the way
you know a group thinks
you know groups that I belong to
not because I I
I want them to feel bad I want them to feel less than
but I want us all to be better
and the the kind of reception I receive
is very different than the kind of reception
this other person receives
and there's a glitch in our programming and
and how we see the world
I I came across a study a meta analysis that looked at
you know how good are we at detecting lying and said
it's a little bit better than a coin toss
so we are a little bit better at detecting
a lie than a coin so I think a coin 50/50
right you just flip a coin
but for us we're like maybe 54% okay
but most of us think that
we're really good at sizing people up
we're really good at understanding
oh yeah this
this this is a good guy
this is a nice guy this is someone I can
trust
but how many of those people did this person I was
I was I was describing talk to that felt like oh
he's a good guy he's not lying to me right
I'm sure they didn't feel he was lying to them
otherwise they wouldn't have been so happy
they wouldn't have praised him
um myself included
why do I bring this up
I bring it up
I bring this up because I want us to think about
how do we trust people and what's that based on
a lot of us get a gut feeling I remember when um
President George W Bush was running uh
for for president and the
the media would always kind of bring up this
this idea that you know
he's he's a
he's a guy that people feel they can get a beer with
they could sit down and have a good time with
and that
that approachability
was enough for them to trust
that he could run the country
and because of that we got dragged into two wars
and we were lied to about weapons of mass destruction
in Iraq and
you know apparently we're not very good at this
so what's the way around it
how do we protect ourselves
I I see two ways one is
let's not trust our emotions that much okay
we we we can treat people nice that treat us nice
there's nothing wrong with that
but don't assume that because somebody comes across
as very friendly and and and
and somebody we can connect with
that they have our best interest at heart okay
it's just not true
um over time
people reveal who they are
so I don't whenever I meet somebody
I don't trust that first impression like okay
they seem nice all right
let's see let's see where it goes from here
because it's only over time that we really
truly understand people what their motivation is
um do they have our best interest at heart
and whether they should they would be a good friend
whether they'd be a good coworker
whether they'd be a good employee boss
um spouse
whatever
whatever important person we're allowing into our lives
I think it's important we
we we don't trust that first impression
rather look at that person over time
and study them objectively and
and that brings us to the second point
which is look at objective information
we are not very good at detecting lies
but we're very good researchers
we're very good critical thinkers
human beings and so be critical
look at these people objectively
not through this this biased lens
through those rose tinted glasses
but through
through a more objective lens that studies them
and what they say and what they do
and you know
over time we will realize that
and I I do believe people in the long run
are good at detecting this
you know often we give the benefit of the doubt
to people in the beginning
which is a which is a great thing
but not everybody deserves that
and so it's important to stay on our guard
um and this applies to friends
but this also applies
to people running for political office
this applies to influencers and um
others who want to convince us that they're right
and we should follow them
it's very important we
we we are very critical of those people